I'm not a runner....

Fitness has always been a part of life for me - for better, for worse.

I was always one of the tallest/biggest girls in my class.  I was never petite.  I hated school every year where they brought the class down to the nurse's office and weighed us one by one, announcing our weight for all to hear.  It didn't matter if I was in the 90% percentile for height and weight.  I WAS THE HEAVIEST.

As time went on, and we entered middle school and high school, the other girls caught up and I wasn't the behemoth.  

Eating healthy and working out was ALWAYS something that was part of my life.  It was more like a roller coaster ride.  I would be really good for 6 months, a year or 2.  Then I would start to slide.  When the weight comes back, it is SO much harder.  You doubt yourself.  How did it happen?  Why?

I was always very active.  I enjoyed recreational sports and spent 7 summers marching in a DCA Drum Corps.  The activity is very demanding with all day rehearsals and as a horn player you learned how to control breathing while insanely marching around the field.  Not matter how hot it was, we were out there.  The show must go on!  

Drum Corps taught me to be determined.  There was no option to fail.  There was no giving up.  I was part of the team and they needed me at my absolute best.  They were my family.

Life was good as a working adult.  I could work, hit the gym and not have to worry much about my other commitments.  

...ENTER HAVING KIDS...

Somehow I thought being pregnant meant I could eat what I wanted.  6 months after my first child, I was pregnant with my 2nd.  Then 23 months after my 2nd was born, I had my 3rd.  The weight went up and down...but mostly up.  WHO HAS TIME TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE 3 KIDS TO CHASE?  Shouldn't I be losing weight just running after them?  I'm just too exhausted to even think about really working out.  I can't go to the gym because by the time I get them ready, half the day will be over.  

The years passed.  The kids got older.  I GOT OLDER!  What was my excuse?  I couldn't blame it on being pregnant anymore!  

When friends of mine would share their weight loss stories, it was like a thorn in my side.  I KNEW I SHOULD do better but I just couldn't find it in me.  I didn't want people to notice.  I didn't want people to comment.  

Eventually meeting other Moms who were into a routine of fitness helped me.  As much as they say find a workout partner, I AM A LONER.  I enjoyed their cheering and support when I went to the gym or started running, but I enjoyed the time with my own thoughts.

A few years ago, in addition to going to the gym, I started running.  I wasn't consist but I got out there.  It was hard.  It was discouraging.  I could barely run a .10 of a mile.  I didn't see results.  The inevitable roller coaster ride.  

I remember one of my first runs, I was barely at 17-18 minutes per mile and I posted it on facebook because I was proud of myself for getting out there and DOING something.  A friend made a comment that she just "walked" a trail at that speed.  I took it hard.  That motivated me to do better.  I didn't need to prove myself to anyone else.  I wanted to prove it to MYSELF.  I COULD DO THIS!!!  

As I hit my 40's I knew I had to really amp up the exercise.

I finally found a gym that I really liked and felt comfortable going to.  I learned several weight machines and routines.  I made myself a schedule to go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week and did weights/cardio almost every time. 

I starting running and biking.  I even added swimming and some classes at the gym.

On August, 2, 2019, I COMPLETED MY FIRST TRIATHLON!!!

That was a pinnacle moment for me.  I COULD ACTUALLY DO IT!  I could swim, bike & run AND FINISH!!!  (AND NOT BE LAST!!!!)  I definitely got emotional crossing the finish line.

So now I am training for my first ever 1/2 Marathon.  I'm working on being comfortable with my pace.  I want to finish and feel okay.  No pressure, just fun.

The other day I decided to buy this triathlon tank top that said, "Failure is when you stop trying."  It showed up, I put it on and I took a picture and I was SHOCKED how I looked.  I actually noticed a difference in myself.  I went back and dug up a photo from almost a year ago and did a side by side.  

This is not to say, "HEY, LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT HOW MUCH WEIGHT I LOST!"  

Nope.  Not at all.

This is about the JOURNEY.  

It's hard.  It's exhausting.  It's frustrating.  It takes time to see results.  It's hard not to compare myself to others.  It's hard not to wish I could just run faster.  It's not fun when I'm achy and sore.

I've learned that the hard motivates me to keep going.  If I fall off the bandwagon a few days, I forgive myself.  I get up and do it again.

Everyone is at a different stage in the journey.  It's about supporting each other where we are.

I 'm not a runner.  

I have learned to love running.  I'm not fast.  I go at my speed.  I've made improvements but I take it one day at a time and don't push myself.  I want to enjoy my moments out there running.  I love finding new places to run, seeing the run rise, watching the birds and wildlife.  It's my time to listen to music.  It's my time to figure out me.  It's my time to discover the meaning of life.  Yes, I like to do it alone so I can be with myself.  I guess I am a loner.  

Why did I really share this?  

To give encouragement and positive vibes.  To support you where you are.  Anyone can do anything they want.  It's about making that decision.  Taking the first step.

One of the best things I found is so many runners, cyclists and athletes have been so incredibly supportive.  They love to hear your story.  They love to give you advice.  They love to share your milestones.  It is an amazing community.

This was extremely difficult for me to share because it is a very personal experience for me.  I am extremely humble.  I'd rather celebrate everyone else's successes then my own.  

Thank you, friends, who have cheered me on!    

I want to hold myself accountable and keep moving!